Pre-Surgery Practicalities - yup, I'm still waiting

I know. We're still waiting for a surgery date. Current estimation is sometime in May.

Anyway, onto the practicalities and nitty gritty. I started writing this months ago but haven't been able or willing to touch it until now. It's been difficult to make myself get out of bed for much lately, between depression and physical tiredness.

Things that have to happen prior to surgery:

• Yet another pre-surgery appointment
• Packing to temporarily move back to my parents' house for recovery
• Praying I don't burn through my savings as I've taken a leave of absence from my job
• I have to not go crazy waiting or fall prey to the doom thoughts while I slowly decline. I'm taking even more breaks when walking now and I'm basically acting like I will die during surgery cause the anxiety's so bad some days.

Things I want to happen prior to surgery:

• IV sweater sewing and creation of a new recovery pillow
• Vancoufur and seeing friends right before surgery
• A miracle of science meaning I'd be able to do this surgery without a central line in my neck or an arterial line in my arm

Realistically, what's going to happen prior to surgery:

• Pre-surgery appointment part two, electric boogaloo
• A bit of crying/lots of feelings
• More delays
• More money being spent than previously estimated due to said delays (This is a good time to note I'm still available for writing-related work as I can do that from home)

What's already happened:

• One pre-op appointment (will likely need another one due to the delay... The results of the appointment are only good for about a month and I've been told my surgery won't be til at least May.)
• Vancoufur and seeing my friends, making new ones. Didn't have much to tell people other than it's happening, but who fucking knows when. I've been finding it increasingly difficult to talk about my surgery as the delays wear on me. That's part of why this update has taken so long to come.
• A bit of crying and a couple delays.